The Journey
by storming-wolf
Summary: Maeve wasn't killed by Diane and is now trying to pursue a normal relationship with Spencer, but can the love life between the profiler and the geneticist ever be normal? Zugzwang AU.
1. Chapter 1

**I've honestly been crying over Maeve's death since January, and I started this concept when we found out Reid had a girlfriend. I went back and edited it recently to go with Zugzwang, so I hope you like what I have now :)**

* * *

She could sense the light. It was bright, brighter than the environment she last remembered being in. Faintly, she could hear her name and a man's voice talking to her. She began to sense things, like the IV in her arm, the bandage around her head, and the warm, soft hand holding hers. _I'm in a hospital_, she thought.

Maeve Donovan slowly opened her eyes, blinded by the bright lights of the hospital room. "Maeve?" the voice to the side of her said in shock.

"Too bright," Maeve said in a quiet voice. Her throat felt dry and hurt like hell.

"I'll turn off the lights," the voice said. The owner of the voice left her side and the lights turned off. That's when Maeve realised it was Spencer. He appeared beside her with a soft smile.

"What happened?" Maeve whispered.

"Diane tried to kill you. She shot herself in hopes of the bullet penetrating your skull as well, but it didn't. It didn't have the force to penetrate your skull, but it did shatter part of your skull. You've been in a medically induced coma for a week now, but you're gonna make a full recovery," Spencer said. She smiled.

"You're hurt," Maeve said, noticing that his arm was in a sling.

"Flesh wound, no big deal," Spencer said with a smile. She reached her hand up and touched his face.

"You would die for me?" Maeve asked. Reid nodded, placing his hand over hers. He pulled it close to his lips and gently kissed her hand.

"I love you, Maeve Donovan. And it took me almost loosing you to say it. I wish I had called you back that day and said it back," Reid said.

"I love you too, Spencer Reid," Maeve said. She pulled him down and kissed him softly. Her tongue dragged across his lips and he parted his lips, granting her access. He wanted the kiss to last forever, but someone clearing their throat behind him made him jump back. Reid turned a deep shade of red when he saw Maeve's father standing there.

"I-uh-I-uh…Maeve's awake," Reid stammered as he began to fix his attention on anything except for Maeve and her father.

"Glad to see you're with us again, butterfly," Joe said.

"Glad to see you too Dad," Maeve said. "Where's mom?"

"She wanted to stop in the gift shop," Joe said. "I've gotten to know your boyfriend over this pass week." Reid shifted nervously upon hearing this, biting his lip as he waited to hear the rest of this statement.

"Good choice, kiddo," Joe finished. Reid smiled shyly as Maeve held his hand.

"Oh my God, you're awake sweetheart!" Mary said. Maeve smiled as she hugged her mom. "You had us worried sick."

"It's all over now," Maeve said.

"Especially since you have your own personal FBI agent now," Mary said. Reid's blush deepened.

"When are they letting me leave?" Maeve asked.

"A day or two. We have a surprise for you though," Mary said. Maeve had a puzzled look on her face as her dad waved for someone to come in. The look was replaced with surprise and joy as Maeve's older sister, Emma, entered with her daughter, Lilly. Maeve and Emma grew up almost like twins since Emma was born in January 1981 and Maeve was born in December 1981, but ever since Maeve went into hiding, she wanted to make sure her family was safe from her stalker. It was a true feeling of freedom when she saw her sister and niece again.

"Hey little sis," Emma said. Maeve took notice to the 5 year old in Emma's arms, as well as Reid.

"She can take my seat," Reid offered. Emma placed Lily on Reid's seat.

"Thanks. I don't think we've had a chance to meet yet. I'm Emma, Maeve's older sister," Emma said.

"I'm Spencer, Maeve's…um…" Reid felt awkward labelling the relationship. He and Maeve never really talked about that.

"Boyfriend," Maeve said. He smiled nervously at her and back at Emma who gave him a hug.

"Guess you're part of the family now!" Emma said. Reid gave her an awkward smile, not being used to this much physical contact. Emma took a seat on the edge of Maeve's hospital bed. "Feeling okay?"

"Just a little headache and light sensitive. Other than that, I'm okay," Maeve said. Emma smiled.

"That's good. I wish I could stay longer, but I gotta get Lilly to bed. I'll come by tomorrow so we can talk some more," Emma said. Maeve nodded. Over the next few minutes, everyone said their goodbyes and soon it was just Reid and Maeve.

"How is it that I've been sleeping for the past three days and I'm exhausted," Maeve chuckled. Reid smiled at her and sat next to her on the bed.

"Get some sleep. I'll be right here in the morning," Reid said. Maeve held his hand.

"Can you lie with me?" Maeve asked. Reid leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Of course," Reid said, kicking off his shoes. He was careful not to lie on her IV line or her heart monitor as he wrapped his arms around her. Maeve placed her hands on his cheeks and pulled him into a kiss.

"I can't wait to do this every night," Maeve said, snuggling into his chest. Reid smiled as he caressed her cheek.

"Me too," Reid said. And for this first night of many, Maeve fell asleep in Spencer's arms, feeling safe and loved finally.


	2. Chapter 2

**Almost finished with Chapter 5, but I'm really blocked so sorry updates can't be more often.**

**Beware of smut.**

* * *

_Maeve watched in fear as Spencer and Diane fought over the gun. She tried to get the restrains off, gasping as she heard a gunshot fired into the air. Then Diane kneed Spencer in the groin and he fell to the ground in pain. Then another gunshot sounded, the bullet going through Spencer's head and killing him instantly._

"_SPENCER!" Maeve choked out as a group of FBI agents entered the room, just to find their youngest member on the floor dead. Diane took the gun to her head and turned to Maeve._

"_And this was all your fault," Diane said before pulling the trigger. Maeve became hysterical as she ran to hold Spencer's dead body._

"_I'm sorry Spencer…please come back!" Maeve cried. _

"NO!" Maeve screamed as she shot up in bed. Her breathing was heavy and her face stained with tears. The bed was empty, as was the apartment. Spencer was in Salisbury on a case, his first away case since he returned to work. He had left that morning, and Maeve prayed he would be home soon.

It had been 3 weeks since she left the hospital. Reid stayed home with her and helped her cope with the nightmares from her PTSD, even working a case from home the week after she was discharged. He kept calling to check on her, but the last call had been at noon and it was nearly midnight now. She gasped as her phone went off and fear ran through her body.

"Hello?" Maeve said.

"Maeve, it's me. I'm coming home tonight," Reid said. Maeve relaxed upon hearing his voice.

"That's good," Maeve said.

"Something's wrong. What happened?" Reid asked.

"I had a nightmare," Maeve said. She could hear his body language very well, and could tell he was upset.

"Maeve, I'm so sorry I'm not there," Reid said.

"It's okay baby. We can talk about it when you get home," Maeve said.

"Reid, we're leaving in 5," Hotch said.

"Okay," Reid said. "I'll be home soon Mae. I love you."

"I love you too Spence," Maeve said. She made a 'mwah' sound, giggling when he did as well.

"I'll see you soon. Bye," Reid said. He hung up and saw the look on JJ and Morgan's face. He turned a deep shade of red.

"I think it's sweet," JJ said. Reid looked at Morgan.

"Don't say it." Reid said. Morgan laughed.

"I was just gonna say that Maeve Donovan has genius Dr. Spencer Reid completely whipped," Morgan said. Reid chuckled.

"Yeah, I am," Reid smiled, joining the team on the plane ride home.

Reid entered the dimly lit apartment to find Maeve in the kitchen. A blush covered his face as he saw that she was in one of his shirts and her underwear.

"I made green tea," Maeve said. She met him in the living room and kissed him softly. "Caffeine free to keep your brain matter healthy."

"Thanks," Reid said. "I'll put on something comfortable and we can talk."

"Okay," Maeve said. Reid went into the bedroom, untying his tie and unbuttoning his sweater vest. He sat on the bed and pulled off his shoes, falling back on the bed and releasing a deep sigh. He lied there for a while staring at the ceiling until he felt Maeve on top of him.

"Mae, what are you d-" Reid started.

"Shh," Maeve said, crashing her lips onto his. He kissed back and let his hands fall on her waist, feeling awkward as he remembered that she only had on his shirt and panties. Soon he felt her hands unbuttoning his shirt.

"Maeve, stop," Reid said, panicky. Maeve looked slightly hurt. "I'm sorry. I thought you wanted to talk because you were upset, now you're on top of me undressing me."

"Well this is me talking! I had a dream that Diane killed you, okay?! Then she said it was my fault! I woke up and you weren't there and I though you really were dead, Spencer!" Maeve cried.

"Maeve, it's okay. I'm right here and very much alive," Reid said.

"Then show me that you're really here Spencer. Show me that you love me and make love to me," Maeve said. Reid tensed up upon hearing those words. "You don't want to have sex with me, do you?"

"No, no. I do, I really do. I'm just…afraid," Reid said.

"Afraid of what?" Maeve asked.

"That you won't want to be with me anymore because I'm not good in bed," Reid mumbled. Maeve caressed his cheek.

"Baby, none of that matters to me. All I care about is you. I fell in love with you before I even saw your beautiful face and you think I'll leave over something as trivial as sex?" Maeve asked. "Why?"

"Becauseimavirgin," Reid said quickly and quietly.

"What?" Maeve asked, not understanding what he said. Reid took a deep breath and sighed.

"Maeve, I'm a virgin," Reid said, his face red from embarrassment.

"Then let's change that tonight," Maeve said. She gently kissed him. "Spoiler alert: So am I."

Reid stared at his girlfriend as she pulled her shirt off. And she wasn't wearing a bra. He was speechless as he felt what seemed like all of his blood rush south. Finally, he snapped out of his daze and hesitantly touched her.

"Spencer, it's okay to touch me," Maeve said. Reid felt his face turn red with embarrassment.

"I know," his voice was dry and inaudible. "I know. It's just, I always dreamed of doing these things to you and I felt bad about thinking about you like that, and now I'm just frozen."

"Just pretend like it's your fantasies," Maeve said. "Like that one night." She whispered seductively.

"Mae," Reid groaned.

"We were both in the mood," Maeve said as she finished unbuttoning his shirt. "I took a chance and called you on your cell phone and we had amazing phone sex baby."

"Oh Maeve," Reid moaned as she began to kiss his chest. Her hand teased the bulge in his pants that begged to be free.

"And you said that you couldn't wait to do those wonderful things to me," Maeve whispered against his ears, the warmth from her breath tickling the hairs on his neck. He put his hand on her waist and turned her over, placing her on the bed. He kissed her with such force and passion, Maeve was slightly stunned that this had been same person who was hesitant about even touching her. He moved to her neck, slightly biting and kissing the sensitive spots on her neck. She moaned as he started to move further down. He cupped her breasts and sucked on her nipple, her fingers running through his hair.

"Spencer," Maeve moaned. He kissed down her stomach and reached her panties. The blush covered his face again as he dragged them down her long, slender legs. He trailed kisses up her thigh and parted her legs, draping them over his shoulders.

"If you want me to stop, just say so," Reid said. Maeve nodded as he moved his mouth closer to her. His tongue went to work as he slid a finger into her. Maeve grasped a handful of his hair as she was hit with waves of pleasure. It didn't take long for her legs to begin to tremble and her breathing to increase.

"Spencer!" Maeve moaned as she fell over the edge and was submerged with bliss. Reid waited for her to come back down from her high. Maeve pulled him up and kissed him, tasting her own arousal on his lips. Reid sat up on his knees, pulling his pants and boxers off. His cock was hard and fully erect. Maeve pulled him back down and began to go down on him. Feeling her hand and mouth on his cock was pulling him to the verge of coming quicker than he has wished. Before he could even say anything, he came into her mouth. His face was redder than it had been all night.

"Maeve, I'm so sorry," Reid said. Maeve swallowed his cum and kissed him.

"It's okay. You taste really good anyway," Maeve said. She felt that he was still really hard and turned onto her back. "Make love to me now baby."

Reid positioned himself on top of her and braced his hands on the bed above Maeve's head. He slowly entered her, Maeve letting out a high pitched yelp in pain. Reid's face became covered with worry that he had hurt her.

"I'm okay," Maeve said, even though it really hurt. He pushed himself in more, but Maeve cried out again, tears filling her eyes.

"Maeve, am I hurting you?" Reid asked.

"No," Maeve lied. He moved ever so slightly. "I'm sorry, Spence, it hurts!"

"I'm so, so sorry Maeve," Reid said. He was flooded with guilt when he realised that she was bleeding.

"I'm sorry," Maeve said.

"What are you sorry for? I'm not the one hurt and bleeding!" Reid said.

"I'm the one who made such a big deal about this, but I think I'm not ready yet…at least not physically," Maeve said. Reid gently kissed her.

"That's okay sweetheart. I'll wait a thousand years for you," Reid said. Maeve smiled.

"Thanks for being so understanding," Maeve said.

"No problem," Reid said. He held her closely, soothing her to sleep, only wishing this was less painful for her. He hated knowing that he caused her that pain, but he would do anything to make sure it didn't when they were ready.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning was a Thursday. Maeve's bare body was spooned into Spencer's. He was the first to awake, but he didn't want to leave the bed or wake her up.

Reid lied there with his arm around Maeve. She turned over in bed, facing Spencer with open eyes. She smiled at him as he brushed hair out of her face before pulling into one of the most intimate kisses she had ever received.

"Good morning," Maeve said. Reid smiled at her as he pulled her closer.

"Good morning," Reid said as he kissed her again.

"I'm gonna shower, do you want to start breakfast?" Maeve asked.

"Sure. Or I can join you…maybe," Reid said.

"Although I wish you could, remember, we're babysitting Lilly and Henry today," Maeve said.

"Oh yeah, almost forgot. I'll child-proof the place as well," Reid said. Maeve nodded.

"Sounds like a plan," Maeve said. She gave him a kiss before making her way to the bathroom.

Spencer pulled himself out of the bed and put his clothes on. He went into the living room to find that it was already 10 and JJ would be there any minute with Henry. He quickly cleaned up the living room and pulled out the children's books and toys he had bought over the years for Henry to play with whenever he was over. He had just finished making breakfast when there was a knock at the door.

"Hey Henry!" Reid greeted cheerfully as the blonde bundle of joy gave him a hug.

"Hi unca 'Pence!" Henry greeted.

"Be good for Uncle Spence and Maeve, okay?" JJ told Henry.

"Otay," Henry said. He gave JJ a hug and kiss. "I love you Mommy!"

"I love you too sweetie. Have fun," JJ said. Henry went into the living room where he knew all the toys were at. JJ turned to Reid. "Thank you so much Spence."

"No problem. Enjoy your girl's day out," Reid said, giving his sister-like best friend a hug before she left. Henry tugged on Reid's pant leg.

"I hungry," Henry said.

"Okay, I made breakfast, but were gonna wait for Maeve, okay?" Reid asked.

"Okay," Henry replied. "Pway dinosaurs?"

"Sure thing kiddo," Reid said. Henry handed Reid the pterodactyl and picked up the t-rex. Reid and Henry made raring noises. Maeve watched from the living room hall, laughing and smiling. Reid turned around, blushing.

"Hi Maeve!" Henry greeted, running to hug her. Henry met Maeve twice, but grew to like her a lot.

"Hi Henry, are you ready for breakfast?" Maeve asked.

"Yeah," Henry said. Maeve, Reid, and Henry enjoyed breakfast and patiently awaited for noon to arrive so Lilly could join them. Reid was tidying the kitchen and Maeve was playing with Henry when there was a knock at the door. Maeve and Henry went to the door together.

"Hey Em," Maeve said, giving Emma a hug. "This is Henry, Spencer's godson. Can you say hi to my sister Henry?"

"Hi!" Henry greeted. He noticed Lilly and held his hand out. "I'm Henry." Lilly shook his hand.

"I'm Lilly," Lilly said.

"Do you like hide n seek?" Henry asked.

"Yeah!" Lilly said.

"You it!" Henry giggled before running off to hide. Lilly followed him.

"Well it looks like they'll be entertained," Emma smiled. "Where's Spencer?"

"Cleaning the kitchen," Maeve said.

"Someone seems to have _that_ glow," Emma teased. Maeve started blushing.

"Not _that_ glow. We didn't go all the way," Maeve retorted. "Nope, done talking about this. Too awkward."

"Okay little sis," Emma said. "I gotta get to work, thanks so much for babysitting."

"No problem Em," Maeve said, giving her a hug. "Love you."

"Love you too. Tell Lilly I love her," Emma said.

"Okay," Maeve said, waving goodbye to her sister as she closed the door. She turned around to find Spencer with Henry and Lilly wrapped around his legs.

"A little help please," Reid said. Maeve laughed.

"Okay you two, release him and maybe he'll show you two a little magic," Maeve said.

"He's magic?" Lilly asked.

"Unca Pence the best!" Henry said. "He make things come out of my ears."

"Like this," Reid said, pulling quarters out of Lilly and Henry's ears.

"Cool!" Lilly exclaimed.

"Why don't you two gather a crowd of stuffed animals on the couch and my lovely assistant and I will put on a show for you," Reid suggested.

"Okay," Lilly and Henry said, searching the toys for an 'audience'. Reid pulled Maeve into the bedroom and led her to the closet.

"Here's all my magic stuff," Reid said, pulling a large box off of the shelf in the closet.

"_Spencer the Magnificent_, huh?" Maeve said upon finding a business card in the box. Reid smiled.

"I was ten when I made those. I needed a job to get food for me and my mom, and while my intellect was on my side, my age wasn't. I was really good with magic, especially sleight of hand tricks, so I would do magic shows for money," Reid said. He went into the living room where the kids were sitting with the couch full of teddy bears and dinosaurs.

"Okay, ready?" Reid asked.

"Yeah!" the two kids exclaimed. Maeve watched in awe as he kept them fascinated with his tricks. He was so good with kids and she could only imagine how good of a dad he would be when the time came for that. It was obvious that Henry really loved his godfather and that Lilly took a liking to him almost immediately. In the month that she had come to know nearly everything else that he hadn't mentioned yet, she fell even deeper into love with him.

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing games and drawing pictures. It was four when JJ and Emma came back. Both kids were fast asleep after a day full of play. Maeve tiredly fell back onto the bed after they left, Spencer following suit. Maeve faced him with a smile.

"You're really good with kids," Maeve said.

"I'm really not. Henry's known me since before birth, and I just got lucky with Lilly. Seriously, There's a thing called 'The Reid Effect' where all dogs and children hate me," Reid said.

"That's absurd. What was that biased off of, two kids and a dog?" Maeve asked.

"Give or take a few, but they really hated me," Reid said.

"Well I think they made the wrong perception of you because you're the kindest, sweetest, and sexiest man I've ever met," Maeve said. Reid gave her a shy smile as he pulled her into a soft and sweet kiss.

* * *

**Sorry for long wait. I have the next 6 chapters complete, just editing them now :)**


End file.
